Renata Niculiță, a mother of five girls, faced ten years of aggression from her husband. In an interview with IPN conducted as part of the national campaign against violence, the woman told about her family's drama and how she managed to change her life. Renata Niculiță's story is about courage in the fight against fear, about hope in life and the faith to start everything from scratch. Her experience is a message of encouragement and call to action to women facing domestic violence.
IPN: You said stop to violence after ten years of marriage. Why did it take so long and what was the point that made you to give up the relationship for good?
RN: I made many attempts to quit, but I was trapped in a vicious circle of manipulation, threats and intimidation. I was always told that I was guilty of "destroying the family", and relatives and friends phoned me and pressured me to convince me to stay. I was afraid to leave because I was told that I would be left without children, without a home and that I would be declared mentally ill.
The death of my mother and the lack of financial resources kept me trapped in this toxic relationship. My husband fed me false promises that things would change, that we would live better, that he would become a priest and we would be happy. But, in the meantime, I realized that those promises were just lies.
The decisive moment was when I called the ambulance after an episode of violence. That's when I realized that I couldn't take it anymore. It was not only about my life, but also about the safety of my children.
IPN: What did you need at the first stage, immediately after you decided to leave home with your five children?
RN: I left with five small children, one of whom was not even a year old, and a few strictly necessary things. I didn't have a clear plan or destination. I slept one night at a friend's house and then I went to Marioara's House.
There we received a minimum of support: a place to stay, clothes and some food. However, insecurity and constant fear followed me, especially after my ex-husband found out where we were.
IPN: What resources helped you the most and hastened your recovery and that of your children? How did you find the necessary support?
RN: I enjoyed the support of a few people who did not remain indifferent. With their help, we managed to rent a modest home. In the most difficult moments, I felt God by my side - prayer was the most important thing. I focused on the children and how to rebuild my life with them.
I started to realize and enjoy the fact that every day without abuse is a step towards healing. Over time, I began to enjoy the little things and find value in my life.
IPN: How did you overcome your fears and pressures, including considering your husband's status in the community?
RN: I was fighting with myself, with my own will, after I learned to live with the pressures. I decided not to let them control me anymore. I understood that people who bring harm into the lives of others are , in essence, unhappy. This thought helped me to forgive them, but without going back to what was there in the past. I could not sleep for many nights and I prayed when the children fell asleep.
IPN: After you separated from your husband and left the house where you lived together, how did the emotional and psychological recovery of you and your children go?
RN: Separation from the abusive person is the first step. I then realized that healing begins with silence and, for recovery, it is important to cultivate self-confidence and find your inner resources. God sent me good people who supported me. I discovered that I need to have a purpose, set priorities and find activities that make me fulfilled. It is important to do things that you enjoy. Remember what hobbies you have and practice small passions that bring you positive emotions. My children were the biggest motivation to overcome myself and remain firm in my decision to fight to the end.
IPN: What advice would you give to women who are in similar situations of domestic violence, but do not have the courage to get out of the vicious circle?
RN: My advice is not to wait for the right moment. It may never come. They have to find the courage to leave. God will send them the support they need. I urge them to ask for the help of trusted people, to turn to a psychologist. It is important to surround themselves with people who support them and to set clear goals. Every woman deserves a better life and the first step is to believe in this possibility.
******
If you are experiencing domestic violence in your relationship, call a hotline intended for victims of abuse or a support organization.
Don't isolate yourself – share your story with someone you trust or a specialist.
Keep important documents (IDs, medical certificates, and house-related documents) in a safe place.
If you feel that your life is in danger, leave immediately! Go to a safe place and, if possible, seek shelter in a center for victims of domestic violence.
