Telling the truth is hard for adoptive parents in Moldova

Adoptive parents don’t know how to disclose to their children the fact that they have been adopted, and this is one of the main issues affecting their relations. Adults are urged to seek psychological counsel in order to overcome these problems, stated for Info-Prim Neo Raisa Gavrilita, head of the Adoptive Parents’ Association, at a roundtable that was attended by member of the Association. “We try to help adoptive parents. We have our own psychologist who offers free assistance”, says Raisa Gavrilita. She added that parents shouldn’t panic over the problems that surface, since there are common and solvable. “It seems that parents require more psychological assistance than children, since they feel overwhelmed by the situation; they need advice that would calm them, which would let them know that the problem is not unsolvable”, says Gavrilita. Irina Schiba, psychologist at the “Casa Aschiuta” children’s social rehabilitation center that offers psychological assistance to adoptive families, said that the greatest problems occur during the children’s puberty period, but also early into childhood, at 4-5 years of age, because that is, usually, the time when they are told about being adopted. “Both adoptive parents and their children need counseling, since children grow up, conflicts emerge, communication blockages, children begin thinking differently, they mature and attain other principles. Children ask questions that are left unanswered. The most difficult part for the parents is how to tell their children that they are adopted. As a result, other problems and communication conflicts appear. This prompts the children towards finding out who their biological parents are. And parents don’t know what to do in these situations”, the psychologist said. A participant at the roundtable said that she adopted a two-year-old boy last year. Now the woman builds up towards telling her son that he is adopted. “I haven’t told him yet, since he asks no questions, but I give him hints when we watch cartoons, saying that “mommy searched for you, and found you”, the woman said. “I’m afraid that someone will tell him the truth. I want to be the one to talk to my child, and therefore need the help of a psychologist. I am very nervous. There is need for help. Currently we are working on the fact that I’m a single mom; I adopted the child by myself, and with the help of the psychologist I must tell him where the father is. The child asks about him. I hope the psychologist will help me”, the woman said. Another woman stated that she adopted three children, the youngest at 2 years of age, and the oldest at 9. They have grown up since then, the elder one being already 21. The woman, who is a widow, says that the greatest problem in the relation with her children is that they inherited their parents’ behavior: they steal, curse, tell lies, and can run away from home. The boy calmed his temper by now, but the girl, who is 15, goes through a critical period, and the woman believes that she will not be able to cope with it without help. Moldova’s Adoptive Parents’ Association operates since 2007, and has over 80 families as members. The Association offers pre-adoption, post-adoption courses, free psychological and legal counseling.