“March 8 is my professional day”, Daniela Terzi-Barbarosie

[{Info-Prim Neo interview with Daniela Terzi-Barbarosie, chairperson of the NGOs National Council, repeat from March 8, 2011}] [ - Beside the temporary position indicated in the headline, you’ve been director of the “Partnership for Development” Center (CPD) for some years. In both roles, you are known as an activist for women’s rights, gender equality and fighting gender discrimination. Moreover, you have two little children, who require a big part of you time. Obviously, there are other important roles you have, so how do you manage to balance them? Why do you consume yourself on several apparently incompatible fronts?] - That’s a flattering question. Yes, I’m involved in many activities and I expected such a question, which isn’t usually asked of men, though they are on the forefront of politics, civil society, business or culture. That’s because of a widespread myth regarding women’s capacity of balancing professional and family lives. Since when is there such a contradiction between the two? Why must we, women, choose? Fortunately, there are a lot of examples of successful women who are involved in a relationship, are wonderful mothers and excellent professionals. I’m against this dilemma. It’s an artificial one.  It’s true sometimes, women must make a decision in favor of either family or career and it’s very hard. This happens because of the general context, public policies and mentality issues. When a couple has focused on their jobs, and the child is born, they suddenly realize one of them must sacrifice her/his professional life for taking care of the child. Traditionally, this is woman’s task. And it makes sense to a certain extent. However, if the mother is a good professional, she may opt to continue her career. The couple starts searching for solutions. A skilled babysitter is too expensive, nurseries are few and overcrowded, while grandparents also have jobs (with pensions between 500 and 1000 lei, they can’t afford staying at home).  Here’s the Gordian knot. Public policies don’t offer any alternatives for families with children. Parenthood is being penalized through the lack of quality social services for couples which want to continue their careers. Even worse, when a mother takes a maternity leave to take care of her child until kindergarten age (3-4 years), she can’t get her job back. Somebody else gets it. She can’t find another one because she is discriminated. She has a baby who can get sick and employers don’t like having workers who monthly go on a sick-leave because of their children. Another problem is that during mother’s maternity leave, her male colleagues worked, participated in trainings, thus gaining a professional advantage over any woman, regardless of her proficiency before the leave. These are the paradoxes that maintain women’s family vs. career dilemma in the 21st century.  Then we have the obsolete mentality about “woman’s place and role”. Our people have gender stereotypes and prejudices. Although the laws have been improved and men can also go on a parenthood leave, few of them choose to do it (as far as I know, only 19 men did it in 2009).This step isn’t encouraged by parents’ parents, by the educational system, by mass media or by employers. Most men still think raising the child is mother’s responsibility. It’s a pity, because this way, men lose a lot: a beautiful and strong relationship with their own children, a deep appreciation of their partner and the true experience of fatherhood.  I never approached things like this: career vs. family/kids. I always knew I’d spend enough time, as much as I and my spouse think necessary, enjoying maternity and raising my children. It’s beautiful! I don’t feel like having to divide myself because I don’t see these two worlds as opposites, I simply try to enjoy both of them. I’m satisfied with myself as mother, spouse, and with my work as a psychologist and representative of civil society. It’s possible! Attitude makes the difference. And passion for what you’re doing. Engagement in harmonizing family with professional life, spouse’s support and a gender partnership within the couple are essential for a woman to be pleased with herself, her decision, to fulfill herself as a wife, mother and professional.  [ - What’s the modern significance of March 8, a holiday with deep roots? What’s more important: social-political aspects of the old or the sentimental, emotional ones?] - 2011 marks a century since International Women’s Day is being celebrated worldwide. March 8 isn’t Mother’s Day, as it is wrongly considered in Moldova.  Worldwide, it is Militant Women’s Day, thanks to whom we have the right to vote, to education, healthcare, contraception and others. They were women who fought so that we, modern women, had the right to property, divorce, the right to choose and say “No!” when we think it’s necessary.  In Moldova, it kept a part of its Soviet version. Then, it was named the same. In Soviet times, like now, it lost its initial meaning- that of fighting for social and political rights and equal treatment. After the early period, when women were really militating, somehow miraculously (though I have some suppositions) it changed. At a certain moment, the USSR and other countries painted this holiday in pink and everyone liked it, for the beginning. Men, out of some sort of awkward complaisance, were tenderer with women, bought them chocolates and flowers. Women were happy their partners changed and became more loving, and, at least for one day, they weren’t supposed to cook.  Unfortunately, even today the meaning of this day is vulgarized. On Romanian version of Wikipedia, at “March 8 traditions and customs” one reads this: “On March 8, women must be appreciated in a special manner. They are offered gifts, flowers or other presents. This day is dedicated to women”.  Although vulgarized for years, the holiday is becoming more and more significant for us, militants for women’s rights and gender equality. The worldwide trend is rediscovering March 8’s original meaning. Times have changed and our requests have changed as well, but believe me: we still have a lot of work to do regarding the respect and promotion of rights obtained by our predecessors.  Another goal of this holiday is to celebrate locally, nationally or worldwide, women’s achievements and progresses, which are very important, but often neglected.  I think this is a historically decisive period for women’s social status and role in country’s development and wellbeing. I must admit I’m happy we have both aspects of the holiday: the social-political and the romantic one. I enjoy seeing women happier and smiling on March 8. I like to see men a little nervous and excited (Will she like the present? Does she prefer roses or tulips?).  I like even more when youth and couples with children participate in civil society manifestations on March 8, when women firmly say they want equal treatment, not just flowers, that they are men’s equal and have a larger understanding of their role as Women, besides the reproductive one. It’s a big progress. March 8 is my professional holiday. It may seem an overstatement, but that’s how I feel it.  [ - What is women’s real situation in Moldova? What problems or achievements mark their lives?] - Moldovan laws guarantee citizens equal rights (for men and women) to participate in social and economic life, to train for a certain profession and have a job, to promote and engage in distributing advantages, to benefit of social protection when needed, etc. However, the actual situation is far from what’s written in the laws. Women have to deal with many difficult problems, which are amplified by country’s current situation (migration, economic crisis) and social phenomena (one parent families, violence, human trafficking, unemployment, etc.).  After working for 8 years in the gender domain, I can name some important progresses, but, unfortunately, some problems can’t be solved through simply adopting a law (since 2006, we have the Law on gender equality). Although de jure women are treated equally and promoted, de facto they aren’t protected and promoted by the society.  Let’s do an exercise. From my point of view, me being a normal woman, married, with 2 children, having a mom to take care of and living in the suburbs, these are the obstacles I meet in daily life:  ▪ gender discrimination in social and professional relationships (manifested through tendentious and superficial treatment when I’m driving or giving my view on political issues);  ▪ misogynic and sexist approach (as a citizen and woman, I feel insulted by images in mass media or outdoor advertising in which women appear sexualized, or when politicians use dirty language);  ▪ professional discrimination and segregation which lead to differences in income, although laws guarantee the right to “equal work and equal wages”;  ▪ balancing family life with career (It was hard to find a babysitter and then a place at kindergarten);  ▪ social protection (if my husband hadn’t worked during my maternity leave, it would have been nearly impossible to assure a decent living for my children, considering the expenses that inevitably appear with a baby);  ▪ pension system (my mother has been a teacher, a widow for 10 years, and has a pension of 1006 lei, which isn’t enough for utility bills, medications, food, and I have to help her financially);  ▪ gender education (for example, in most books, women appear stereotyped. What conclusions will children draw, if their parents don’t intervene with necessary explications?);  ▪ infrastructure and transport issues(there’s no street illumination where I live, which increases the risk of becoming victim of a hooligan, thief or rapist, there is no public transport either; when I went for a walk with a baby carriage, I had no space because of illegally parked cars, special passages for baby buggies were rare as well; it was really hard to move a baby carriage in these conditions).  These are some of my problems, as an ordinary woman in Moldova. Imagine what are the problems of a woman from a less favorable environment. For example, a woman of middle age, in X village, where there’s no sewerage, no water and gas supply, and public transport to the district center comes once a week. She has 2 children, one of them being severely ill, and is a medical assistant responsible for 3 villages. Sad, isn’t it?  Or a gypsy old woman, with disability pension, a hectare of land, no children and widow. It’s even more complicated, right? Besides obvious problems in the three situations described above, another important issue is that of under-representing of women in local and central decision-making processes. Women from rural areas often complain about access to quality social services. Unemployed women, without insurance, or those with low income, who can’t afford it, are denied healthcare services.  The world economic crisis affected Moldovan women and stressed the feminization of poverty, especially the difficult situation of widows, women without children or living in villages. The crisis was a blow to those working abroad or relying on remittances from their husbands.  In my opinion, Moldovan women’s most important achievements are the daily ones, the wise and elegant way of dealing with problems, of discussing them and bringing them to public attention, it’s managing a house or a town hall, giving birth and raising a child, creating a likeable ambiance wherever they are, efficiently solving family, community and country problems, loving and being worthy of others’ love.  [ - Why do you think gender problems require special attention from civil society? Why don’t you let men, authorities, politicians deal with it?] - Gender issues are more than promoting women. If understood and integrated in policies, programs and projects, this domain will bring multiple benefits to all the people, regardless of gender. Indeed, civil society is more involved than public authorities and the political class, but that’s not just in Moldova… NGOs in this domain chose to focus on gender equality for this very reason. That’s the goal of an entity based on civism and the wish to make things better. I hope civil society will remain as active and even incisive sometimes, until the gender aspect is included in all actions and policies elaborated and implemented by state or in the association sector; until women have the same wages as men, not 28% lower as they are today; until people realize abuses of any kind are punished and children must be educated for self-fulfillment, regardless of gender, and not according to social stereotypes; until people have normal salaries here and won’t be forced to leave their kids and gain money abroad; until women with great leadership skills, who want to involve in politics, get top places on parties’ list of candidates and not below 40-50 positions; until… well, it’s a long way. I remain optimistic and hope to lose my job, when there will be no more problems to fight.  [ - If we compare women’s engagement in nongovernmental, political and business sectors, what are the similarities or differences? What conclusions should we draw?] - Studies show women are more involved in nongovernmental sector than men and I have some explanations. It’s clear most NGOs work in the social sphere, which is the most feminized and also the least paid sector. In the few political or economic NGOs, men dominate, because they’re the “experts” and these are serious domains, right? (and the most paid, obviously). On the other hand, the work program in an NGO is more flexible, which is a great advantage for married women or with children (usually, they are responsible for most household chores). In politics and business, women’s situation is worse. They are underrepresented at central (only 19 deputies and one woman minister) and local levels (18% of mayor offices). In small and medium enterprises, women are skilled and active, but still less than men. Statistics are shocking when we speak about big businesses, where only 5% of managers are women.  I’ll let readers draw conclusions on differences and similarities…  [ - What’s your bid for Moldovan women, for men and for them together on March 8?] - I want all people in this country- boys and girls, men and women- to live better, to live fully and beautiful; not to feel abused by the state (through taxes or during elections). Women mustn’t feel inferior citizens or a minority, because they are actually the majority! Men mustn’t bear the burden of bringing income in the family all by themselves. They must work together with women and create a gender partnership at home and at work, in politics and economy. I don’t want my girls and yours to face stereotyped realities and invisible barriers or boys to play only with toy guns and be laughed at when they cry. I don’t want boys to be treated as ironmen and girls like porcelain figures. I want women to understand they can be their own leaders and men to be able to express their feelings freely. I wish, I wish… I wish men and women knew their rights, which are guaranteed by written laws that must be applied. No law says we must keep our eyes closed. So open them, analyze, discuss, dare, take attitude! Don’t worry being alone. Engagement is catching. Especially today, March 8. It is women fighting for their rights day. And for yours. [Valeriu Vasilica, Info-Prim Neo]