The hyper-tutelage of children shown by excessive care and affection can have negative consequences. When coming of age, the person can face difficulties in the social integration process. There is a risk that this will associate himself with inappropriate groups that can decide instead of this and can offer protection similar to the feeling offered by parents in childhood. Contacted by IPN, psychologist Tatiana Goras said the reasons for hyper-tutelage are different, as are the possible consequences of this.
Among the key reasons are the lack of trust in the child’s acts and the wish to protect him. Another reason is the hyper-tutelage witnessed in their childhood by parents who tend to do the same. Hyper-tutelage starts at the age of 3-4 and can last until adolescence, sometimes even until maturity, and the effects can be noticed later. “The effects of hyper-tutelage cannot be usually seen in childhood, but they accumulate inside and explode in adolescence, when the child feels more mature and feels he can have the own opinion and can decide by himself what to do and where to go,” stated the psychologist.
Tatiana Goras said a child cannot form skills to take decisions independently when all the decisions are taken by parents. The parents often incorrectly consider they know best what is important for the child and do not listen to the wishes of this, do not communicate with this and do not manage to establish a relationship of trust with the child. When they grow older, the children start to discover the world, their interests and passions and to make new friends. When the parents intervene to control them, conflicts and quarrels appear or the child can even leave home for a period without informing the parents.
To avoid such situations, some of the parents attend courses before giving birth to children so as to learn more about the education process. “The children need communication and understanding. The spending of more time together, the educational games, understanding of the child’s interests and wishes, the attitude of respect and confidence in his choice can contribute to the development of a balanced, harmonious and healthy child,” stated the specialist.
Zinaida Gribincea, psychologist and university professor, said the parents play an essential role in the development of the child’s personality by offering a behavioral model and by cultivating key values for the subsequent development of the child and this fact is incontestable. Sometimes, because of too much love, the parents tend to be excessively protective towards children, incorrectly thinking that they can prevent or diminish any unpleasant experience through which the child can go. This is hyper-tutelage.
It is normal for parents to be protective towards children in childhood, until these learn the basic rules and norms of conduct. But later this influence, if it is exaggerated, can have negative consequences, explained Zinaida Gribincea.
“The exaggerated parental protection can be an obstacle to the harmonious development of the child. In atypical life situations, the child will wait for the parents to intervene as rescuers and substitutes or even as those who are responsible for his acts. In this case, hyper-tutelage causes huge damage because the educative actions of the parent diminish the child’s chances of trying, failing and learning the lesson,” stated the psychologist.
Zinaida Gribincea noted this relational strategy is sometimes used by teachers who, because of excessive of pity or for other reasons, stimulate particular children to the detriment of the others. This is a mistaken teacher/student relationship or the teacher shows professional deformation that generates profound and long-lasting effects on the child. As in the case of the parent, if the teacher has preferential, protective treatment towards a child, this actually shows a dysfunctional relational model that can later determine a complex of superiority in the child and can diminish the creative potential of this or can influence the child’s capacity to take decisions and to have an appropriate position in relation to events, facts and people.
Diana Busuioc, IPN